LAUGHTER for the soul

Preachers wife

They say that a Lutheran preacher's wife is always his number one coach. An example of this happened one Sunday morning after the preacher had just finished the service. He went and sat down with his wife. She asked him how he thought the church service went.

The Preacher shrugged and said, "The worship was excellent, and I think the prayer and communion times went quite well", he continued, "I just don't think my sermon ever got off the ground."

The wife looked over at him, and before she could stop herself, said, Well, it sure taxied down the runway long enough!"

Ryan, you be Jesus

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

Sanitary but .....

My pastor friend put sanitary hot air hand dryers in the rest rooms at his church. Suddenly after two weeks he called the company to remove them. I asked him why the sudden change of heart. He confessed that they worked fine .....but when he went in after a few days and saw one parishioner had added a sign that read, "For a sample of this week's sermon, push the button." he knew the dryers had to go.

 

Recall Notice!

RECALL NOTICE! IMPORTANT!

The maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component or heart. This is due to a terrorist who caused a malfunction in the original prototype units, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, 'Sub sequential Internal Non-Morality,' or more commonly known as

The right kind of clergyman

A man made his way quickly through the carriages of a train in Ireland, calling out "I need a priest! Is there a Catholic priest on the train?". There was no reply. He then went back through the train, asking "Is there a Anglican clergyman on the train?". Again, no reply. He made his way through a third time, crying out "OK, is there a Lutheran clergyman on the train?".

The perfect pastor

The Perfect Pastor preaches exactly 10 minutes.  He condemns sin roundly, but never hurts anyone's feelings.  He works from 8 a.m. until midnight, and is also the church janitor.

....The Perfect Pastor makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, drives a good car, buys good books, and donates $30 a week to the parish.  He is 29 years old and has 40 years' worth of experience.  Above all, he is handsome.

Where is Jesus

A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister.

The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am."

Using the same logic

A freshman in college started his first day of classes. His professor was clearly an atheist, and started the day by saying the following: "Students, is there anyone here who can see God? If so, raise your hand.

Unfair, says the Devil

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'

Donate to the Baptist's?

A Lutheran pastor and a Baptist pastor were good friends.  One summer, the Baptist pastor told the Lutheran that his church was getting ready to build a new church building.  "I was wondering if you might donate to this new church building," said the Baptist.

"Donate to building a Baptist church?" said the Lutheran pastor, "I don't think that would really send the right message..."